A letter to Newt
by Gabby-has-no-life
Summary: I had my music playing on my phone, and all this songs started and make me want to write this So it's letters that Thomas is writing to Newt after the the death cure. I really want to know what you think of it. Spoiler for the death cure, so you know. And all of the letters have songs in then. At the start I was only going to do one, but now, I will just do as many as I want.
1. A letter to Newt

Dear Newt

* * *

_And I lie awake and miss you_

_The stars lean down to kiss you_

_Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere_

'_Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly_

_But I'll miss your arms around me_

_I'd send a postcard to you, dear_

_'Cause I wish you were here_

* * *

I don't know why I am doing this, it will not bring you back, I guess I just wanted tell someone what happened even if it just paper.

I haven'ttold Minho, I amto scared too, because if I lose him I will have no one.

I see you everywhere, in the faces of the living, in the woods calling me, I am so sorry for what I did to you. I should have found a why to save you.

* * *

_I'll watch the night turn light blue_

_But it's not the same without you_

_Because you takes to whisper quietly_

_The silence isn't so bad _

'_Till I look at my hands and feel sad _

'_Cause the spaces between my fingers _

_Are right where your fit perfectly_

* * *

I guess I just miss you Newt, you held everyone together, even if you did not know it. You were my best friend and I know that now. I am so sorry I did all that to you. I am sorry about the maze; I should never have done it.

A memory of the day you climbed that bloody maze wall and jumped off I watched and did nothing they would not let me.

All of that was my fault just like you said, I am so sorry, I am a terrible person, I know this is to late but I am really sorry for what I did.

* * *

_I'll find repose in new ways_

_Though I haven't slept in two days_

'_Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone _

_But drenched in vanilla twilight _

_I'll sit on the front porch all night _

_Waist deep in thought because when _

_I think of you I don't feel so alone_

* * *

I wish you were here I know you are happy in death but I wish you were still next to me calling me_Tommy_ and saying _bloody inspired, _Now no one can call me Tommy now that you are gone, no one calls me by a nickname now.

And I am glad, only you and Teresa were allowed to do that.

I feel so alone sometimes, I don't have you to talk to, all I have is Minho and Brenda and they never listen like you did.

I miss you Newt more then you think, and I am so sorry for what happened I wish I could have saved you.

* * *

_I don't feel so alone_

_I don't feel so alone_

* * *

I wish I had known what happened to you, are you with everyone that is dead? And if you are can you please tell Chuck I am sorry I never found his mom and dad, and that I miss him.

Have you been watching over everyone, watching everything?

Do you miss us? I know it's stupid but do wish you were alive again.

* * *

_As many times as I blink_

_I'll think of you tonight_

* * *

I wish I could go back and no kill you. I know you wanted me too, but if I could make you live again flare free, I would.

Would you even what to live again? Or are you happy?

I'll think of you tonight

Brenda always asked why I cannot sleep at night, and it is because of you.

I think about what I should have done differently, because shuck I loved you. You were like a brother and my best friend and I think you will always be.

No one will take your place, because I love you. You bloody shuck face.

* * *

_When violet eyes get brighter_

_And heavy wings grow lighter _

_I'll taste the sky and feel alive again_

_And I'll forget the would that I knew_

_But I swear I won't forget you_

_Oh if my voice could reach back through the past_

_I'd whisper in your ear: _

"_Oh darling, I wish you were here"_

* * *

I know you are never going to see this, and I will just leave in on the grave we made for you. Where no one can see it.

But right now I don't care, you were my best friend and I took you from this world. And I will never forgive myself for that.

I will always remember you, till my last day, and then I hope I see you when I die. I will always miss you I hope you knew that.

I am so sorry Newt; please forgive me, so I know one of us, as!

I love you,. You bloody shank.

Love, always.

Tommy


	2. A second letter Newt

Dear Newt 

* * *

_I don't know where I'm at_

_I'm standing at the back_

_And I'm tired of waiting _

_Waiting here in line, hoping that I'll find what I've been chasing_

* * *

I don't think I can do anymore Newt; I just want to forget what I did I killed you, I just want it to be over.

Is this how you felt when you jumped off that bloody wall, I just want to climb one of the shucking tree, and jump.

* * *

_I shot for the sky_

_I'm stuck on the ground _

_So why do I try, I know I'm gonna fall down _

_I thought I could fly, so why did I drown? _

_Never know why it's coming down, down, down._

* * *

I want all the pain to go away, the pain of me killing you, the pain of hearing your words over in my head _Please, Tommy. Please. _That's all I can hear. Every second of everyday, I don't know what to do, all I can do is cry and hide, I still have  
not told Minho, I know I should, but how to you tell someone that you kill their best friend.

* * *

_Not ready to let go_

_Cause then I'd never know_

_What I could be missing _

_But I'm missing way too much _

_So when do I give up what I've been wishing for._

* * *

I want to leave this world, I want to find you and say sorry Newt, I don't even know what to do anymore.

I feel like everything is moving so fast, I never got to say good-bye to you, or to Teresa or to Chuck, or to everyone.

There is this girl Newt that looks just like you, her name is May, and she always talks about her brother August he was taken by WICKED when he was little.

Everyone is getting to each other and slowly we are all getting to know each other.

But I will never find a friend like you, I miss you so much and I just want my life to be over, I can not live with it, I should never have done it.

* * *

_I shot for the sky_

_I'm stuck on the ground _

_So why do I try, I know I'm gonna fall down_

_I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?_

_Never know why it's coming down, down, down. _

_Oh I am going down, down, down_

_I can't find another way around _

_And I don't want to hear the sound, of losing what I never found._

* * *

I am sorry we left, I am sorry I could not save you, I am sorry I could not save the world. I know I know I did what I could, but I still left you, I left you Newt I left you at that place, and then I killed you, I know you asked me too. But I still did  
it I should have saved you.

* * *

_I shot for the sky_

_I'm stuck on the ground _

_Why do I try, I know I'm gonna fall down_

_I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?_

_I'll never know why it's coming down, down, down._

* * *

I when to just see you again, I miss you so much, you were the glue, and you kept as together and now no when can.

I am sorry I left you, I am sorry I could fix everything.

Nothing can fix what I did, to you and I know that, and I guess I will just leave this at your grave, because that's all I have left.

* * *

_I shot for the sky_

_I'm stuck on the ground _

_Why do I try, I know I'm gonna fall down_

_I thought I could fly, so why did I drown? _

_Oh, it's coming down, down, down._

* * *

I think I may get writing those, they make me feel better, letting all the pain out. And talking to someone about how I feel, I am so sorry!

Love, always.

Tommy


	3. A third letter to Newt

Dear Newt

* * *

_I always needed time on my own_

_I never thought I'd need you there when I cry_

_And the days feel like years when I'm alone_

_And the bed where you lie_

_Is made up on your side_

* * *

I told him, I told Minho, he just started crying and then he hit me. I really can no blame him for that, but then he just started crying. And he just hugged me, letting the tears run down his face.

He said sorry to me, for hitting me. But I did not care, we just cried together.

* * *

_When you walk away I count the steps that you take_

_Do you see how much I need you right now?_

* * *

I think that Minho is still mad at me, but I know he will forgive me.

I am glad I told him, it was the right think to do, I should have done it before. But I was so scared, I didn't what to lose him too.

* * *

_When you're gone_

_The pieces of my heart are missing you_

_When you're gone_

_The face I came to know is missing too_

_When you're gone_

_The words I need to hear to always get me through the day_

_And make it OK_

_I miss you_

* * *

I told Brenda too, and she is really mad at me, and I see way she hates me, I hate myself too. I am sorry I did it. I really wish I could just leave everything.

But I know I can not leave Minho, or Gally. Or May.

I found her two days ago in the trees, crying.

She said she was hoping to find her brother August, he was taken by Wicked, she was hoping she he would be here.

* * *

_I've never felt this way before_

_Everything that I do reminds me of you_

_And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor_

_And they smell just like you,_

_I love the things that you do_

* * *

She talks like you too, always saying _Bloody _and then first time she heard my name she called my Tommy. I almost started crying right there, but she as the some eyes as you, and I let it go.

And she still calls me Tommy. And it makes me feel better when I hear her calling me that.

* * *

_We were made for each other_

_Out here forever_

_I know we were, yeah, yeah_

_All I ever wanted was for you to know_

_Everything I do, I give my heart and soul_

_I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me, yeah_

* * *

Are you still happy with death? I just wish you could wish you could talk to me, shuck it I wish you could just write back to me. I miss you so much Newt.

Everyone does, even Gally.

Are you happy Newt? Is everyone up there, or are you nowhere.

If you are with everyone, tell Teresa that I am sorry and I will always love here. No matter what.

* * *

_When you're gone_

_The pieces of my heart are missing you_

_When you're gone_

_The face I came to know is missing too_

_When you're gone_

_The words I need to hear will always get me through the day_

_And make it OK_

_I miss you_

* * *

This may be my last letter to you, I don't know

Love,

Tommy.


	4. A forth letter to Newt

Dear Newt

* * *

_Ever since I could remember, _

_Everything inside of me, _

_Just wanted to fit in (oh oh oh oh) _

_I was never one for pretenders, _

_Everything I tried to be, _

_Just wouldn't settle in (oh oh oh oh)_

* * *

Everything is messed up, May keeps having panic attacks, she only gets calmed down by me, and then she just cries talking about her brother August, and her parents that died from the Flare when she was little.

Minho is doing great taking care of everyone but I think he just wants to cry.

_If I told you what I was, _Would you turn your back on me?

* * *

_And if I seem dangerous, _

_Would you be scared?_

_I get the feeling just because_

_Everything I touch isn't dark enough _

_If this problem lies in me_

* * *

Brenda and me don't know what to do, I don't know if we are really meant to be together. I just don't know what to do.

* * *

_I'm only a man with a candle to guide me, _

_I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me. _

_A monster, a monster,_

_I've turned into a monster, _

_A monster, a monster, _

_And it keeps getting stronger._

* * *

You know you would have loved it here, everything is beautiful and bright, and everyone would have loved you here. You were the glue and I never told you how much I love you. You were my best friend.

* * *

_Can I clear my conscience, _

_If I'm different from the rest, _

_Do I have to run and hide? (oh oh oh oh) _

_I never said that I want this,_

_This burden came to me, _

_And it's made it's home inside (oh oh oh oh)_

* * *

I don't know what to do Newt, everything is gone. Everything I love is died. You, Teresa, Chuck, my family, and everyone else, what do I do Newt?

* * *

_If I told you what I was, _

_Would you turn your back on me? _

_And if I seem dangerous _

_Would you be scared?_

_I get the feeling just because, _

_Everything I touch isn't dark enough _

_That this problem lies in me_

* * *

And you know what, I don't even know if we should keep the human race alive, we are all screwed up, everything is a mess.

* * *

_I'm only a man with a candle to guise me, _

_I'm taking stand to escape what's inside me. _

_A monster, a monster, _

_I've turned into a monster, _

_A monster, a monster _

_And it keeps getting stronger_

* * *

I think this will be my last letter to you Newt, I need to find a way to live on, to see what the world needs, I don't know if I want the race to keep going.

I want to say before I go, I love you Newt, you were my best friend and I will never forget you.

I am sorry for what I did, I am sorry for everything.

Good-bye Newt!

* * *

_I'm only a man with a candle to guide me, _

_I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me. _

_A monster, a monster, _

_I've turned into a monster, _

_A monster, a monster, _

_And it keeps getting stronger._

* * *

Love, always.

Tommy.


End file.
